This Is Our Memory
by Let's Call Her The Tarryn
Summary: Love. When you find it, you're supposed to hold on to it, right? But what about when you have to let the one you love go? To let the one you love be happy. Is that a sacrifice worth making? Oneshot


**Hey all, it's me again!**

**Hopefully a nice oneshot.**

**I am a little proud of this one...**

**FYI: I have no idea if the show mentioned what college Casey wants in, so I just chose Stanford. Just go with me, k?**

**K, well, ENJOY!!!!**

I should be happy for her. I know I should be. But I'm not. Well, not really, anyway.

It's just, I love her so damn much. I guess that's another reason I should be happy for her, though. She wanted this so badly. She's been working for it, since forever, it seems like. And she got her wish.

I keep beating myself up over this. _I can't be mad about this. _I tell myself. _I can't be selfish. This is her dream. _I know this is her dream. It was obvious when she found out today.

All of us, Lizzie, Edwin, Marti, Nora, dad, and I were all in the living room, watching t.v. Yes, as amazing as it sounds, we really were all peacefully adjoined, watching the same show without arguments or whining. It was nice.

Then she burst into the room, with a piece of paper in her hand.

"I got in! I got in! I can't believe it! I did it!" Casey says excitedly. A huge grin is plastered across her beautiful face.

Nora and dad both get up. "Really, honey? You got into-"

"Stanford! I got into Stanford!" Casey practically yells, jumping a little bit.

"Oh, I'm so proud of you! I knew you'd do it!" Nora says, taking Casey into a big hug.

"I'm proud too. We're all proud, aren't we kids?" Dad asks, turning to look at us.

In a unison Lizzie, Edwin, and Marti say, "Yes."

I stay silent. My mouth might possibly have been open, but I don't know for sure. All I know is that a huge knot had formed in my stomach, and I felt sick.

"We have to celebrate! I'm going to go get a cake!" Dad says.

Usually this is something Casey would object to, being modest, but she wasn't in a modest mood, for the first time in her life. She in a, 'hell yeah, go get a cake! We need to celebrate me', kind of mood. But she had every right to be like that, since she worked her ass off for this.

Casey is enclosed in her mother and Lizzie's arms, as Dad leaves to get a cake with Marti, who insisted on tagging along to make sure he got one that was 'pretty enough'.

I sit on the couch with a frown on my face. I think Casey has noticed that I'm not to happy, but there's nothing she can do or say right now. Partially because she was so happy. Partially because everyone was around. And partially because even if she could talk to me about it, I wouldn't really want to listen right now.

I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at the situation. She's getting taken away from me. And for right now, I need to frown, and look pissed off, and fume in my head. I also think she knows this, because she knows me. She knows how I get. At least I hope she knows, because even though I'm upset, I don't want her thinking that I'm mad at her.

A little while later, Dad and Marti come home with a vanilla cake with rasberries and white and pink frosting and sugared flowers. In nice flowing letters, Congratulations, is witten across the top. Marti did a good job at directing dad. It was a really great cake. But it didn't stop me from being sad and angsty.

Everyone was all smiles and laughs while we had cake. Everyone except me, formally known as Mr. Downer.

I went back to the couch and ate my piece of cake, cursing every bite for why it was bought. I hated it even more because it was really good. It stood for everything I despised at the moment, and it was delicious. Damn it.

I wouldn't allow myself to get another piece. Instead, I slipped upstairs, and into my room.

I grabbed my ipod and laid down on my bed, my back facing the door. As hard as it is to admit, I have angry girl music on my ipod for moments when I feel like this. I turn to one of the angsty songs sang by some chick that was mad at her father, or something.

As I lay there, staring at the wall, listening to the angry, but relaxing, (for me), music, I think about her.

God, that girl. That annoying, stubborn, crazy, beautiful, wonderful, perfect girl.

That girl who was everything I wanted, and everything I needed.

That girl who would be leaving, thousands of miles away from me.

I remenisce about our first kiss.

I remember what a surprise it was when I found that out lips had connected. How I was scared at first, until I realized that it felt so right.

I think about how we hold hands when we watch t.v. Putting a couch pillow in between us, and keeping our hands under it, so that no one knows that our fingers are intertwined.

I think about how I push hair our of her face, and hold her chin in my hand, and give her sweet, caring kisses after she has a particularly bad day.

How I hold her in my arms, and we'll just listen to music together, and I give her kisses on the top of her head.

Once, we climbed onto the roof through my bedroom window, and watched the stars at night, sharing a blanket. We stayed up all night, and then we watched the sunrise together.

She's the only one who knows that I want to become a doctor.

She's the only one who knows that I still have my childhood teddy bear, Mr. Nappy Patches, and that I still sometimes sleep with it.

She knows that I tell people my favorite movie is Scarface, when, really, it's A Walk To Remember. (I'll deny it if you ask me.)

She knows that I sing along to Disney songs when no one is around, and she'll do it with me. Let me tell you, we are experts at the 'A Whole New World' duet from Aladdin.

She's seen the secret lyrics that know one else knows I've written.

She _knows_ me. And she understands it all. She understands me in a way that no one else does, or can. She doesn't criticize me when I show her new sides of me. She doesn't laugh. She appreciates every bit of me.

_That girl. _I think. I feel myself drifting off. _That girl means everything..._

XxX

I don't know how long I was asleep, but I know that I was. Because I woke up when I felt her crawl into my bed with me. She settled herself across from me, facing me and the direction of my bedroom door.

I opened my eyes, to see her big blues looking at me. Her hand snakes next to mine, and I let my fingers get tangled up in hers. I swear, the space between my fingers were meant for her.

We lay there, staring at eachother for a while.

_God, she is so beautiful. _I think to myself. I know every part of her. Every curve. Every freckle.

I know that when she's not actually amused, but she's smiling or laughing, she won't have any dimple. But if she actually means it, she has one on the right side.

I know that when she's really upset, her hands are always at her sides, and her hip pops out to one side.

And I know that she's thinking that she loves me when she stares at me, unblinking, and her lips are completley relaxed. She looks completley serene.

Casey breaks the silence. "Derek, I'm sorry-"

I won't even allow it. "Don't even. There is nothing for you to be sorry about. Nothing."

"But, I know you're upset..."

"Baby. This is your dream. You don't apologize for acheiving something you wanted. And I will not let you be brought down, because of me."

I lean in and gently brush my lips against hers.

We lay there a little longer. Then I get up off the bed. She sit up and watches me as I cross my room to the stero I have.

I fiddle with it for a moment until I find what I'm looking for, and hit play.

A familiar song fills the room. Our song. Killing Lonliness by HIM.

I walk to the bed and extend a hand, which she gracefully excepts, and I pull her up and toward me.

She moves close to me, and rests her head on shoulder as we sway together. And time seems to stand still as she's in my arms, with our song playing.

"I'm going to miss you." She says softly. I can hear the tears in her voice.

"I'm going to miss you, too."

"I don't know what I'm going to do without-"

"Don't." I say.

"We'll always be with eachother,

and we'll always I have this song,

and this moment.

And we'll always be dancing inside it.

_Always._" I whisper.

"_I love you."_

_"I love you, too."_

♥

**End!**

**I hope you enjoyed this. **

**Please review! You'll get warm fuzzies, because reviews ALWAYS give me smiles.**

**Love to you all!**

♥**XO♥XO♥**

**HeartsHugs&Kissess**

**-Tarryn**


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